Obviously not sexier than YOU – that would be crazy! No, sexier than other people. Or at least that’s what we fear, because French people have a reputation of being more seductive and attractive than us. But why? Let’s slip into our least-comfortable fishnet stockings and find out.

1. The word “French” automatically makes things sexy.

In English, saying something is “French” is code for saying it’s a sex thing. Don’t believe me? Here are five things that prove I’m right. FIVE.

• “French kiss” (tongue kissing). Like, gross.
• “French letters” (condoms). Rubber that was invented to go on a Wotsit. Nothing is ruder.
• “French pox” (syphilis). Mmm, sexy venereal disease.
• “French maid” (saucy cleaning lady). She’s not here to scrub your grouting.
• “French stick” (baguette). The shape, for heaven’s sake.

Apply this thinking to a country full of actual humans and we have one conclusion:

2. They invented the world’s rudest dance.

Let me stop you there if you think the Can-Can is some mildly titillating sideshow, a suitable backdrop for a steak dinner with the sales team. Maybe nowadays, sure, but back when it was invented, ladies’ knickers didn’t have gussets meaning that when they did the high kick, they were revealing the entirety of their lady sandwiches. With this kind of filth parade as a national dance, is it any wonder that French people have acquired a certain reputation?

3. Paris is where gentlemen went for their sexducation.

Nineteenth century Paris was to highfalutin sex tourists what Shagaluf is today to lads-on-tour. Brothels were legal and there were plenty of “high class” houses catering to the kinks of the rich and famous, with speciality rooms, equipment and seemingly endless supplies of young, impoverished women and men to work in them. One patron was the Prince of Wales, later King Edward VII, who kept his own room at the Le Chabanais in which he had a champagne-filled bath and a specially made chair that allowed him – a hefty prince – to have sex with two women at a time. (And all that at the taxpayer’s expense.) Those days are gone but the whiff of licentiousness hangs over Paris to this day.

4. Yet somehow Paris is also romantic?

It’s the place to go for a naughty weekend, to fall in love, to resuscitate the embers of a flagging romance. Visiting Paris is a licence to do the things that we’re too busy or uptight to do at home. The city colludes in the seduction, providing a gorgeous backdrop of buildings, boulevards, parks and bistros to kiss, nuzzle or propose in. Add food, wine and some old guy playing “La Vie en Rose” on the accordion at just the right moment – or the Eiffel Tower sparkling like a glass of champagne – and I defy you not to succumb. Paris has seduced more people than Casanova and Leonardo DiCaprio combined – a geographical aphrodisiac as effective as oysters or poppers.

5. All famous French people are sexy.

Just as Hollywood conditions us to seeing Brits as repressed butlers/wizards, French people are shoehorned into different kinds of roles. Want your love interest to be mysterious, sexy, fragile, exotic and seductive? Get yourself a Frenchie. (For recent examples, see all the Daniel Craig Bond films and Marion Cotillard’s career.) Where are the French villains, the lovable goofs, the wise-cracking sidekicks? You’ll see them in French films but French-language films don’t do so well with English audiences, unless they’re arty ones involving teenage lesbians.

Add to this the legacy of the great and gorgeous movie stars of the sixties, like Deneuve, Bardot, Delon and whose looks and personal style are still held up by fashion magazines as the epitome of everything chic and effortlessly glamorous. With this slanted view of the French, we can be forgiven for assuming that they are a race of tousle-haired, pouting sex gods.

6. Ze accent is, ‘ow you say, très sexy.

Admit it, you find French accents sexy. Don’t worry, you can’t help it. As this Mental Floss article explains, most people find husky and breathy accents attractive, and certain features of the French language create exactly the sort of sounds that make us quiver a little and need a glass of water, thank you.  The J sound in “je”, or the R in “rouge” produce these throaty, shushing sounds, comparable to a lover’s murmurs. Add to this the pouty lip shape you need to make to produce the “ooh” of “une” and you may find your eyes becoming distracted as well as your ears.  Combining these elements together should mean that the sentence, “J’ai une voiture rouge” is possibly the sexiest thing a French person could say.

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Photo: Marie by Gabriel de Castelaze. CC by 2.0